A Very Vegeta Christmas
by Captain LeBubbles
Summary: Vegeta gets stuck doing the Christmas shopping on the last shopping day before Christmas, and then through an unforeseen order of events ends up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day in the company of Goku. Rated for blatant innuendo. now complete.
1. Chapter 1

A Very Vegeta Christmas

By: The Bubbles

Summary: When Bulma catches a cold, Vegeta is stuck doing the Crhistmas shopping on the (big booming voice) LAST SHOPPING DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! (coughsputtercough)

Disclaimer: Toriyama owns DBZ, not me. He probably never even intended to have Christmas in the DBZ universe. But such is the case.

A/N: This takes place between the end of Z and the beginning of GT.

Chapter 1

"But Vegeta, you _have _to!"

"I don't have to do anything! Why don't you do it yourself, like every year?"

"Because I'm sick, you jerk!" She sneezed and then turned away with her arms crossed. "How d'ya like that? I'm stuck in bed with pneumonia and my own husband doesn't even care. Boy, do I know how to pick them."

He 'hmphed.' "Oh, please, don't be so dramatic. It's a cold at best. Besides, I didn't see you making chicken soup for me last week when _I_ was sick." He added under his breath, "Probably would have made me sicker anyway."

"You want to say that again? Oh, it doesn't matter. Here." She threw a folded up piece of paper at him. "Just go get everything on that list before tomorrow night. Or do you _want_ to make your children unhappy?"

He sighed in resignation.

"Fine, I'll do it." He stalked out muttering to himself about weak spots and chicken soup.

"Besides, Vegeta, it's your fault anyway. You're the one who breathed on me and made me sick in the first place."

"Grr… I didn't hear you complaining at the time." He slammed the door hard behind him. Bulma smirked.

(o.o.o)

"Wow, that's harsh," Goku said. "So you're stuck doing the Christmas shoppuing?"

After leaving Bulma to sneeze her brains out at Capsule Corp, Vegeta had gone to the Son house and dragged Goku along with him to the mall. If he was going to suffer through the last shopping day before Christmas, he was going to make Goku suffer through it with him.

"She probably thinks she can break me. But she's wrong! Let's go!"

He smirked and stalked past Goku to the store. Goku scratched his head in confusion and shrugged.

"Whatever you say, Vegeta," he said before following the irksome prince.

(o.o.o)

A/N- I will try very, very, very hard to have the entire story up by New Years. I was going to have it all up by Christmas. Anyway, if I get the Fly-Pen-Thingy I've been asking for I probably will. I write a heck of a lot faster than I type.

Next chapter- Vegeta drags Goku to pick up Krillen's, ChiChi's, and Piccolo's gifts, as well as a cameo from Piccolo and your's truly, me!

Oh, and Merry Christmas.


	2. Chapter 2

A Very Vegeta Christmas

By: The Bubbles

Summary: When Bulma catches a cold, Vegeta is stuck doing the Christmas shopping on the (big booming voice) LAST SHOPPING DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! (coughsputtercough)

Disclaimer: Toriyama owns DBZ, not me. He probably never even intended to have Christmas in the DBZ universe. But such is the case.

A/N: In this chapter, Vegeta and Goku pick up Krillen, Chi Chi, and Piccolo's presents. There's also a surprise guest appearance from Piccolo, as well as yours truly, me, and my beta reader, Tocxica.

Oh. I guess it's not a surprise anymore.

Chapter 2

"All right, it looks like we'll get the short bald guy's present in this store."

Vegeta entered a Bait-n-Tackle shop. Goku followed, confused.

"Short bald guy? Do you mean Chaotzu?"

"No, not Chaotzu, the other short bald guy. You know, about yay tall," he held his hand above the floor for emphasis, "dots on his head, no nose to speak of? Marron's father."

"Oh, you mean Krillen!" Goku frowned. "You know, he's not bald anymore."

"So what's your point? Oh, here it is."

He had stopped in front of a deluxe tackle box kit, which came complete with fancy lures and a stereotype hat. Vegeta picked it up, examining it from all angle.

"I didn't even know he liked to fish," the Saiyan prince muttered.

"He's trying new hobbies," Goku explained. "Last month, it was pottery. The month before that, horseback riding."

"How very fickle."

(o.o.o)

(A/N- Be on the look out for my cameo in this section!)

"Let's see, this store is next." He guided Goku into the Bath and Body shop. "I'm supposed to pick up a deluxe home spa set for your woman." He frowned, checked the list, then frowned harder. "What is it with Bulma and deluxe gifts?"

"I dunno. Hey, what flavor does it say to get?"

Vegeta checked the list again. "Raspberry. Why?"

"Yeah! Yippee!"

Goku did an awkward sort of pirouette in mid-air (quite literally) and earned some Looks from various other customers. Vegeta's eye began twitching and he yanked his irksome rival to the floor.

"Would you stop that? You're beginning to embarrass me."

"Sorry, Vegeta."

He stood and brushed himself off. Vegeta grabbed the appropriate item and they got in line.

"Why are you so excited, anyway?"

"Well, you see Vegeta, when Bulma gets Chi Chi anything bath related and scented, I can always tell that she's been complaining."

"She always complains."

"No, I mean she's been complaining about me."

"She _always_ complains about you, Kakarrot. What's your point?"

"Because she gets two different flavors. Since I'm allergic to eucalyptus, I know she's been complaining about me being underfoot. But if she gets raspberry…" he adopted a wink, wink, nudge, nudge look, "I don't spend enough time with her."

Being significantly more intelligent than Goku, Vegeta only took about .27 seconds to register what his rival meant, far less time than it would have taken had the roles been reversed. Immediately his eye resumed it's twitching. Goku cocked his head.

"You know, that twitching thing can't be healthy. You should probably have it looked at."

"It's your fault, Kakarrot!" He rubbed his temples and counted to ten. "I didn't need those images in my head. Now I'm going to have nightmares." He suddenly calmed down and smiled knowingly. "You know something, Kakarrot? Bulma _never_ minds sharing with me."

"As _fascinating_ as this conversation is," said a droll voice in front of them, "my shift is almost over, and I'd like to get out of here on time for once. Are you gonna buy that or just stand there talking about it?"

With a start they realized that they were now in the front of the line. The many people behind them were beginning to complain, and one guy even yelled for them to get a move on. Goku smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, ummm…" he checked the girl's nametag. "Bubbles. Vegeta, pay her so we can go!"

Vegeta grumbled and handed over the gift and his credit card. She rung up the item for them. Vegeta grabbed Goku's arm and dragged him out of the store.

"Come on, Kakarrot, we're leaving. There are a lot more people on this list and we're running out of time."

(o.o.o)

(A/N- Be on the lookout for Tocxi's cameo in this section!)

"Ohhh, I'm sooo hungry! I haven't eaten in two hours!" Goku was leant over, clutching his stomach and complaining of hunger. "Can we go to the food court and get something to eat, Vegeta?"

Vegeta sighed in annoyance. He was beginning to regret bring Goku along with him. What in Kami's name had possessed him to do such a thing? Well, it was too late to turn back now.

"We've got to pick up Piccolo's gift in this store here. It's already wrapped and ordered, so we only have to pick it up. Then we can go eat. I'm getting hungry myself."

As if confirming this, his stomach shoes that moment to rumble loudly. Goku grinned and they entered the store.

"I don't think it should take long if we don't have to look for it," Goku said cheerfully. "Then we can go get food!"

They arrived at the front of the store and got in line. Vegeta counted twenty-seven people ahead of them

"This could take longer than you think."

Thirty-three minutes later, Goku lay sprawled on the ground, his eyes glazed over and his stomach grumbling loudly. Vegeta stood as far away from him as the line would allow, desperately trying to make it appear as if the two were not at the mall together.

"I'm soooo hungry! It feels like I haven't eaten in days!" Goku whined.

Vegeta rolled his eyes.

"It's only been a couple of hours!" Vegeta replied, his attempts to ignore Goku forgotten.

"But it _feels_ like days," Goku insisted. He jumped up. "I don't think I've ever been this hungry."

"That's what you said yesterday. And the day before that, and the day before that, and-"

"No no, let me guess. The day before that, too?" They were at the counter, and the cashier was staring at them, annoyed. "Can I _help_ you?"

"I'm here to pick up a gift that was placed on backorder."

"Right." She hit a button on the computer. "Name?"

"Bulma Briefs."

She typed this in, then scrutinized him over the top of her dark sunglasses.

"_You're _Bulma Briefs?"

"Of course I'm not Bulma Briefs, do I _look_ like Bulma Briefs? I'm her husband, Vegeta."

"Oh." She hit a few more buttons on the computer. "I'm sorry sir, but your name isn't on the pick up list. I'm afraid that I can't allow you to pick up the package. You could be trying to steal it."

"What? That's preposterous! Look, I'll show you that I am who I say I am."

He began digging through the many pockets on his jacket and pulled out several random items, including but not limited to: a key ring with several key chains with no keys, a bag of capsules, an orange, a box of candy canes (which Goku stole at the first given oppurtunity), a book entitled 'The Straight Dope', three cans of yams, a half empty bottle of lemonade, four letters addressed to Piccolo and dated three and a half years ago, a rice krispie treat, a flashlight, a screwdriver, a length of rope, a cell phone, seven pens and four pencils, a portable cd player, a half-eaten cheeseburger, a Santa Clause hat, a frying pan, a rabbit puppet, a treasure map, a cat, and finally his wallet. He took out his id and handed it to the cashier before reloading his pockets. She scrutinized it closely.

"Well everything appears to be in order. But I still can't give you the package."

"Why not?"

"Because you aren't on the _list_."

Vegeta counted to ten, paused then counted to twenty. He was getting ready to blast the unhelpful cashier into oblivion when the phone rang.

"Excuse me a second, I have to take this."

She disappeared into the back room. Vegeta crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. They could hear her conversation and they listened nosily.

"Hat's and Other Random Stuff, Tocxica speaking, may I help you? …Yes… yes…yes, that's right…ok, I see…ok, thank you very much…yes, ma'am." She returned, carrying a package wrapped in brightly colored paper. "Here you are, sir. All you have to do is sign for it."

"So you decided not to defy me, then?"

"No, your wife called and said you were on your way." She handed him a slip of paper. "Just sign here, if you will."

Vegeta did and as they were walking away, they could hear her talking to herself.

"What a pain those two were. I wonder if Bubbles has to put up with this kind of thing?"

Goku was not looking where he was going. As a result, he ran smack into a very large, very solid something that went 'oof' when he hit it.

"Ow, that hurt! What did I run into, anyway? Oh, it's you, Piccolo."

Piccolo it was indeed. The usually stoic Namek was looking particularly gloomy today.

"What's up, Piccolo? What are you doing here?"

"Christmas shopping." He held up a blue and white hat with #1 on the front. "Think Dende'll like this?"

"Uhh…" Goku inspected the hat. "I don't think so. Dende doesn't strike me as the hat wearing type."

"No… I didn't think so." He placed the hat on a shelf beside a stack of cookie tins, much to the chagrin of a nearby employee. "I've been in this accursed mall since it opened. I've searched through every singly store and I still haven't found the perfect gift."

"That long, huh?" Vegeta asked. "I wish Trunks put that much thought into what he got me."

For six years in a row, Trunks had given his father a festively colored sweater with a variation of the snow scene. Vegeta hated snowmen. He always blasted their heads off.

"You could get him a book," Goku suggested. "Dende likes to read, right?"

"I thought about that. Dende has plenty of books. Besides, a book isn't personal enough. I need to find him something that says, 'We're buddies and I'm glad I live with you and not Goku.' Um, no offense."

"None taken. Actually, I get that a lot."

"Not surprising. Look, I'll see you guys later. I'm going to go look through the stores again. Maybe I missed something."

He waved and left. Goku waved energetically until he had disappeared into the crowd, surprisingly unfazed by the large green man walking among them. Once he was gone, Goku turned to Vegeta.

"So. Can we go get food now?"

"Yes, Kakarrot, we can go get food now."

A/N- Well, I got the fly pen that I wanted, but my computer isn't cooperating with me, so I still have to type up the stories. I figure I'll finish typing the ones in my notebook, then move on to the fly pen notebook.

Anyway, I want to point out that I'm not going to go through every single stop they make, since many of them go off without a hitch. This is just going to be the ones that are worth telling.

After this, I'm going to post a short oneshot called 'What Happened When They Summoned Shenron' which should be up momentarily, and then I'm going to write a slightly longer oneshot about Pan and Vegeta. Be on the lookout for this story in the near future (and by near future I mean sometime in the next year. It's not even written yet, and I've been planning on writing it for almost two years now. ;3)

In the next chapter, we'll follow Vegeta as he picks up Bra's present, ditches Goku temporarily, and manages to get banned from the mall. At least, I think so. It will happen, but I haven't finished writing it, so it may not be in the next chapter.

I once had to dig around in my pockets for something at school once and I pulled out almost everything in this paragraph except for I think five things.


	3. Chapter 3

A Very Vegeta Christmas

By: The Bubbles

Summary: When Bulma catches a cold, Vegeta is stuck doing the Christmas shopping on the (big booming voice) LAST SHOPPING DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! (coughsputtercough)

Disclaimer: Toriyama owns DBZ, not me. He probably never even intended to have Christmas in the DBZ universe. But such is the case.

A/N: In this, a complicated chain of invents lead to Vegeta getting kicked out of (yet another) mall.

Chapter 3

"Wow, Vegeta, this monkey looks just like you!"

"Don't be stupid, Kakarrot, it does not- Oh. Hey. You're right."

After almost an hour and a half in the food court, the two shoppers had finally eaten their fill and returned to the task of collecting the items listed on the long list of items. (Boy, that was redundant.) They were currently in a toy store looking for the last item on the list, an unspecified stuffed animal for Bra.

Vegeta took down the stuffed monkey and inspected it. It did indeed bear a strong resemblance to his oozaru form. It even had a tail, which Vegeta had come to understand that Earth gorillas didn't have. He took it from the shelf and tossed it over his shoulder to Goku, who caught it and grinned.

"What am I doing with this?"

Vegeta tossed him his credit card.

"Go pay for that. I've got something to take care of. I'll be back in a few minutes."

The prince left the store then. While he couldn't shake the feeling that it was incredibly stupid of him to leave Goku with his credit card, he really did have something to take care of that he couldn't do with Kakarrot with him.

(o.o.o)

Vegeta wandered through the crowds in search of the antiques store. According to Bulma's list, he was to pick up an old antique nutcracker for Goku. The why was beyond him, as Goku had never expressed any desire to own an antique nutcracker, but who was he to argue with Bulma?

Well, usually the first in line. Still, this was one of those things that he wouldn't argue over because he really couldn't care less.

The attendant was quite helpful, and Vegeta was soon on his way. He still couldn't shake the feeling that leaving Goku with his credit card was a very bad idea. He worked hard for his money.

Ok, so Bulma worked hard for his money, but still, he didn't want Goku screwing up his card.

He found Goku sitting asleep on a bench outside the toy store with their various shopping bags surrounding them. Vegeta glared angrily at him for approximately two minutes. When this failed to wake the hero, Vegeta powered up as much as he could without going Super Saiyan or destroying the mall. Goku, sensing the sudden upsurge in ki, jumped to his feet in a standard fighting position. When he saw only Vegeta, however, he relaxed.

"There are better ways to wake a person up, you know," he said matter-of-factly. "If I hadn't realized it was you before it was too late, there's no telling what might have happened. We could have gotten kicked out of the mall. The Chi Chi'd yell at me."

"You shouldn't fall asleep in the mall anyway. It's dangerous. You could get trampled. Feh. Whatever. Did you get the monkey?"

"Yep, and I got some other stuff too. I hope you don't mind that I put it on your card. I'll pay you back later."

"Don't worry about it, I still owe you for the little Valentine's Day fiasco. Just call it even and give me back my card."

"Well, see that's a problem." He took a step back, looking suddenly nervous. "I'll only give it to you if you promise not to get mad."

"I would be stupid to make such a promise, Kakarrot," Vegeta said crossly. "Anytime one person says 'promise you won't get mad,' they will inevitably say something to make the other person unspeakably angry. And I'm perpetually angry. Now give me my card."

"Ok, then. Here it is."

He opened his hand, palm up. In his hand were about a dozen or so bits of plastic, the sad remains of Vegeta's beloved credit card.

Contrary to Goku's expectation, Vegeta did not power up as high as he could and destroy the mall. Instead, he squinched his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing slowly and counting to ten like Bulma had taught him.

"Kakarrot… I was gone for ten minutes, tops. How did you manage to destroy my credit card in only ten minutes?"

Vegeta was looking calmly at Goku. This calm scared him far more than Vegeta's constant threats to kill him at first given oppurtunity ever had. It was the calm before the storm, and Goku knew it. He decided to start talking.

"See what had happened was…"

(Flashback to fifteen minutes earlier)

Goku watched Vegeta leave, curious. He wanted to know what his friend was up to. However, our child-like hero has a very short attention span in a toy store, and it did not take him long to draw his thoughts away from the prince. He gave the monkey in his hands a squeeze and was delighted to find that it was soft and puffy, just the way a stuffed monkey should be. He sighed contentedly and decided to explore the rest of the store.

Farther down the aisle he found a large stuffed cat with a pillow in it's mouth that read 'I Wuv You.' He got this for Chi Chi, and continued his exploration. On the next aisle, he found a… well he wasn't exactly sure what it was. It was either alien or fantasy inspired, but he was certain Pan would love it. He added it to his cart.

Three aisles down he came across a row of plush Nameks, practically identical to Piccolo. He got one of these as well. He was sure that Piccolo would get a huge kick out of it.

Heh. Kick. Yeah right. Goku would probably be the one to get kicked.

Goku decided then that he should probably end his shopping spree. It was not the best of ideas to spend any more of Vegeta's money without asking.

Goku paid for his purchases and headed out into the main common of the mall. Looking up, he could see through the skylights that it had begun to snow. He 'ahhed,' and then, because of the strange way his mind works, realized that he had not yet bought a present for Vegeta.

This news distressed him, because he was quite fond of Vegeta (even if the other did keep trying to kill him) and did not like forgetting to get him Christmas gifts. So he did the only thing he new how in these situations.

He panicked.

After a good twenty seconds of panicking, he came upon an idea.

"That's right, I forgot! I have store credit at-"

The flashback came to a screeching halt. Goku was smirking, while Vegeta looked around, searching for the rest of the flashback.

"What did you do, Kakarrot? Where'd the flashback go?"

"I can't tell you the rest of the story. Then you'll know what I got you for Christmas."

Vegeta's calm had left him. "I do not _care_ what you got me for Christmas. I want to know how you managed to destroy my credit card!"

His eye was once more twitching and the vein was popping out on his neck. Goku knew that he didn't have much time left before the short-tempered Saiyan exploded.

"I dropped it on the floor and before I could pick it up it got stepped on. Several times."

"What!?"

There it was. The explosion. Vegeta powered up and blasted Goku. Goku, being as fast as he was, had no problems dodging the blast. The entire northwest wing of the mall, however, was not so lucky. It went up in a puff of smoke.

Fortunately for Vegeta, the entire northwest wing of the mall was currently under construction from the _last_­ time he had come to this particular mall. Also fortunately, it being Christmas Eve, all of the construction workers were off. The only person present was a penniless and very very cold hobo by the name Lucky Dave. Lucky Dave had only one eye, four fingers, total, and one of his nipples had been torn off in a freak hide-n-seek accident. Miraculously, Lucky Dave lived up to his name and survived to lose more body parts.

In the clock store, Piccolo was considering a genuine cuckoo clock for Dende when he heard the explosion. Immediately realizing that it could only be Goku and Vegeta, he exited the store and flew over the heads of the gathering spectators and landed beside the Saiyans.

"What the heck did you two do?" he asked. "Don't tell me you've managed to destroy the entire northwest wing _again_!"

"Excuse me, sirs," interrupted a nasally voice behind them. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to leave."

"But I didn't do anything," Goku protested. "And Piccolo wasn't even here."

"That doesn't matter. You're all accessories. And the green guy is really scaring me. Now go."

He put his hands on the small of Vegeta and Goku's backs, fully intent on shoving them out the door. This proved to be a mistake. Vegeta picked up the unfortunate manager and threw him against the wall.

"Come on, you two. We're not welcome here."

They left then. Goku paused and pulled the quivering manager out of the wall. He set him down and brushed him off.

"Y'know, he could have killed you if he wanted to. You should be glad he's nice now. If this were the old days, you would have gone through a few walls." The manager screamed and ran away as fast as his wormy legs could carry him.

Outside, Vegeta rounded on Goku.

"This is all your fault, Kakarrot!"

"Me? You were the one who blasted the mall!"

"You were the one who ruined my credit card! You're just lucky that we got everything on the list. That was the last mall in the city that I hadn't been kicked out of."

They argued like this for about an hour. After a while, Piccolo got bored and decided to leave. It was getting late, and he _still_­ hadn't found the right gift for Dende.

A/N- I know that ending was a bit abrupt, but I wanted to put their antics away from the mall in a different chapter. In the next chapter, Vegeta and Goku play some winter themed pranks on each other. I make a reference to A Christmas Story, which is undeniably the greatest Christmas movie ever made, and Piccolo learns of the Namek plush that Goku purchased.

I am soooo sorry that this story wasn't put up by New Years like I said I would try to do. However, when I said I'd try to have it up by New Years, it was only going to be about two or three chapters long. Now I have a whole bunch of ideas that branch away from the main 'Vegeta goes shopping' idea. I'm even going to throw in the Christmas party at the Briefs residence.

The inspiration for Lucky Dave's missing nipple was my friend Dustin, who ran into a fence while playing hide-n-seek at a bonfire at a friend's house. He didn't _really_ lose a nipple, but he said it felt like he did. Meh heh. If you're reading this Dustin, I lurves you!

This author's note is longer than some of my stories…

(Ralphie- Only I didn't say fudge…)


	4. Chapter 4

A Very Vegeta Christmas 

By: The Bubbles

Summary: When Bulma catches a cold, Vegeta is stuck doing the Christmas shopping on the (big booming voice) LAST SHOPPING DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! (coughsputtercough)

Disclaimer: Toriyama owns DBZ, not me. He probably never even intended to have Christmas in the DBZ universe. But such is the case.

A/N: This chapter, Goku and Vegeta play winter-themed pranks on each other. Be on the lookout for a reference to A Christmas Story, which is the greatest Christmas movie ever to come into existence. I can watch it three or four times in a row without ever getting bored. If it weren't for Robin Hood: Men in Tights and Mystery Science Theatre 3000 it would be my favorite movie ever.

You probably don't care about all this.

Chapter 4! 

They decided to walk home. Goku wanted to see the Christmas lights, and in a moment of temporary insanity, Vegeta had agreed. He was mentally kicking himself for that lapse of judgment now.

Goku was completely unaffected by the cold. Actually, this made sense. When Vegeta showed up at his house and asked him to go Christmas shopping with him, he'd had enough foresight to grab about three jackets and a thick wooly sweater to cope with the unusually cold weather they were having that winter.

Vegeta, on the other hand, had not deviated from his usual thin clothes, and had on only a light jacket and scarf that Bulma had insisted that he grab. He was, to put it bluntly, freezing his arse off. He was also thoroughly ticked at Goku, who refused to share any of his jackets and was far to busy 'oohing' and 'aahing' at the pretty decorations to pay any mind to the freezing prince's plight.

SPLAT!

Vegeta turned around and glared daggers at Goku, who was bent over double and laughing hysterically. He had gotten tired of Vegeta's complaining and had decided to shut him up the fun way.

"How dare yo-"

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Vegeta growled and shook snow out of his hair.

"Fine. If that's how you want to play it."

They were soon involved in the biggest snowball fight that particular street had ever seen. Old people stopped in their yelling at kids to watch, and young people picked sides and joined in the fun. Somehow or another, Goku and Vegeta ended up on the same side. They stood back to back, fending off the assault of a trio of ten-year-olds.

Piccolo hovered high above, disgusted by the antics of his friends. He had followed in the hopes that one of them would hide Dende's present for him, but had stopped when the fight broke out.

"Idiots. That's so childish of them. Don't they re-"

SPLAT!

Piccolo's anger was so great that it made the snow on his face melt into a million drops of water and fall off of his face. It them immediately refroze into icicles and impaled several children and a panda.

Ha!

But not really.

Piccolo landed in front of the two Saiyans. At the sight of the angry Namek, the people and panda fled. In two seconds flat, the street was devoid of all human life.

Saiyan and Namek life, on the other hand…

"Which one of you threw that?"

They each pointed at each other.

"Do you realize how chi-"

SPLAT!

This time it was Vegeta. Goku was laughing far too hard to have aimed properly.

"Would you two stop-"

SPLAT!

"Quit that!"

SPLAT!

"You're both so-"

SPLAT!

"Fine! Have it your way!"

And that's how Piccolo joined in the snowball fight.

194 minutes and 12 seconds later…

"He he he… that was so much fun!" Goku was collapsed on the ground and giggling. Piccolo and Vegeta were standing around, dripping wet from the snow.

"I always wanted to get in a snowball fight with you two. Oh, by the way, Piccolo, I found something at the toy store you might be interested in."

He dug around in the pocket of one of his jackets until he found what he was looking for. It was the plush Namek. Piccolo took it from him and looked it over. A blush had crept up into his green cheeks.

"Some toy maker must have seen you on the television at the Cell Game or spotted you at the Tenka'ichi Budoukai," Vegeta said. "If I were you, I'd sue for royalties. They're making money off of your face."

"I can't sue. I've got a contract."

"You signed a contract?"

"I needed the money," he said quietly. He tucked the toy into his belt. "I've got to go. I'll see you two at the party tomorrow."

He took off, and Vegeta and Goku decided to head back to the Briefs residence. Vegeta came to a halt right as they entered the yard. He still needed to get back at Goku for ruining his credit card, and he had just the plan. He'd seen it in a movie with Trunks yesterday.

"Hey, Kakarrot," he said. "I bet you didn't know that in winter, metal light poles taste like candy canes."

"Really? Awesome!" He jumped toward the light pole and would have licked it had he not recalled the bear trap incident. He stopped with his tongue only millimeters away from the pole. "You're lying. They do not!"

"Would I lie to you, Kakarrot?"

"Yes!"

"Fine." He crossed his arms and made to go into the house. "Whatever. It's no concern of mine if you taste a candy cane flavored light pole."

Goku tried to follow him, but his eyes were drawn to the light pole.

Every fiber of Goku's common sense was telling him to walk away, that Vegeta was lying and that he was only trying to trick into being an idiot. It told him to just Instant Transmission home right then and there and forget about it.

But we all know that Goku doesn't have a lot of common sense outside of the ring.

"Hey! Thdis thdoesn'th thaste dlike candy canes! Thvegetha! Thdou dlied tho me! And thden thdou dlied abou dlying! Thvegetha!"

Vegeta walked back to where Goku stood, his tongue still pressed against the light pole.

"I'm sorry, Kakarrot, I can't quite make out what you're saying. Why don't you take your tongue off of that light pole and speak clearly?"

Goku glared at him.

"Thdou dow dI can't thdo thdat, Thvegetha. Di'm thtuck. Thdat's dwhat thdou dwanted, isn'th ith?"

"Yes. You're right, it is."

"Dwell thde djoge's ober. Helb be ged unthtuck."

"Hmm…" HE stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose I could just remove your tongue."

"Dno! Dno! Thdou thdon't thave tho telp! Djust dgo dget Bulma dor something!"

Vegeta found Bulma in the living room, adding a few final touches to the decorations. Trunks was on the couch, watching A Christmas Story and not helping.

"Good, you're home. Did you get the presents?"

"They're all here." He handed er the bag of capsules.

She took them and checked them against the list. "Everything's in order. Thanks Vegeta." She leaned over to kiss his cheek and stopped short. She put a hand to his forehead. "Vegeta, you're burning up. You're running a temperature."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are. Now come on. You're going to bed."

He seized her in a tight one-arm hold.

"Only if you come with me."

"Ew, gross!" Trunks got up and fled the room. "Excuse me, but I think I'm needed… anywhere but here."

Vegeta quirked an eyebrow at his son before turning back to his wife.

"So what about it?" he growled seductively. "Wanna be naughty on Christmas Eve?"

"Sorry Vegeta." She wriggled out of his crushing embrace. "But I'm too busy and you're too sick." She took his hand and guided him upstairs. "Now come on. I'll help you get settled."

He followed slowly, his feet dragging more with each step. Maybe he was sick.

"You know, it's weird," he said, "but I just can't shake the feeling that there's something I'm forgetting about."

(o.o.o)

It is at this time that we must bid Vegeta good night, and wish him a speedy recovery. We now go outside to the front yard, where Goku is still stuck the pole.

After Vegeta went inside, Goku relaxed, confident that Bulma would find a way to unstuck him.

Several minutes went by, and Goku was still stuck to the pole, Bulma was nowhere to be found, and now he could see Goten on the horizon, flying in his direction.

Goten landed and stared at his father for several minutes. He cocked his head to the side.

"Dad…" he said finally, "Why are you licking a pole?"

"Oh… Gothen… dVegeta dold me dat id dwould daste dlike candy canes."

"Really? Awesome!"

Before Goku could stop him, Goten had licked the pole as well. He pulled a disgusted face.

"Thiz does'n tase lige candy canes! Id tase's lige cold medal an ize! Nnnnnnhhhhhhh!" He tried to pull away. "I'm sduck!"

"Yeah. DI gnow. ThVegeta pulled a really mean prank on me!"

"Oh." There was silence. "So what now?"

"We wait."

"I had a feeling you were going to say that."

They both sighed, defeated.

(o.o.o)

Gohan flew up several hours later, surprised to find his father and brother with their tongues stuck to a light pole. He landed.

"Umm… guys… what are you doing?"

"Vegeta."

"I see."

"Can you get us unstuck?"

"Let me see." H examined the situation in a scholarly way. "I think if I charge it with some of my ki, I can melt the ice off of your tongue."

"Do it, do it do it!"

He cracked his knuckles. "Right, stand back." They sweatdropped. "I mean, here goes."

He began feeding his energy into the pole, heating it up. However, he forgot to take into account that metal heats up very quickly.

"Ow, hot hot hot!"

They leapt away from the pole clutching their tongues. Gohan blushed.

"Hey, look on the bright side. At least you're not stuck anymore."

(o.o.o)

In his room, Vegeta heard everything. His laughter woke Bulma up from her dreams of sugarplums or whatever geniuses dream about on Christmas Eve when they've got a hot Saiyan prince sleeping next to them.

"What's up, Vegeta?"

"Nothing. I'm probably just delirious from the fever. Go back to sleep."

She felt his forehead.

"I think that your fever is breaking. That's good. I was afraid you'd have to sit out of the party tomorrow night."

"Yeah, and wouldn't that be a shame."

(o.o.o)

High above, Piccolo was chuckling to himself over Goku's plight.

"That Goku," he said. "He gets himself into the funniest situations, doesn't he Little Piccolo?"

The plush Namek on Piccolo's belt didn't say anything. It just sat there, being all plush and inanimate.

(o.o.o)

A/N- Oh, he had a fever! Yeah, I noticed while I was writing this that Vegeta was behaving a bit out of character. Except for the pole thing. I can SO see that happening. Anyway, he was behaving out of character because he was fevered.

So what was Piccolo's excuse?

Snap- Piccolo needs no excuse! He is Piccolo, and that's enough!

Bubbles- Would you get out of here? No one wants to listen to you talk.

Snap- (sticks out tongue and teleports away)

So anyway, I think that the next chapter will be the last one, unless I put in a prologue. It will be the party that they keep mentioning, and it involves my favorite part of the entire story. So be on the lookout!


	5. Chapter 5

A Very Vegeta Christmas 

By: The Bubbles

Summary: Vegeta gets stuck doing the Christmas shopping on the last shopping day before Christmas, and then through an unforeseen order of events ends up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day in the company of whom else but Goku? Rated for blatant innuendo. Nothing serious.

Disclaimer: Toriyama owns DBZ, not me. He probably never even intended to have Christmas in the DBZ universe. But such is the case.

A/N: So now Vegeta and Goku hang out on Christmas because they're both incredibly whipped, and the party won't be till next chapter. I know I said it was going to be in this chapter, but the story kind of ran away from me, so it will be next chapter. Probably.

Anyway, I'm sorry about the long wait, but I've had a hectic month and now I'm getting over a cold and that wreaks havoc on my already short attention span, and we now have six people in our house instead of three, so now it's hard to get enough time to concentrate on anything, and besides that, I've already started mapping out my next story and the sequel to this one, and I think I'm switching obsessions, or at least losing my hold on this one because I've been watching my old BG&R tapes, which makes it twice in one month, aaaaaand I've got a birthday coming up in a couple days, which means it's even _harder_ to concentrate, and by the looks of things, it'll be a while before I finish this story. I'm taking a break while I type up my bday story I wrote a while back.

I do believe that is the longest author's note I've ever written. I wonder if I have any readers left…

Anyway…

Chapter 5 

As predicted, Vegeta was feeling much better by morning and was quite up to opening presents. As per tradition, Trunks gave him another snowman sweater- pink this year, with cute fuzzy forest animals surrounding a very perky snowman. The joke was on Trunks this year, though, because Vegeta had bought a matching sweater for his son. Bulma immediately started gushing about how her two favorite men would look so adorable in their matching sweaters. Trunks turned beet red and mumbled about how it was just a gag and he didn't think it was a serious gift did he? Vegeta smirked. This year: Vegeta, 1, Trunks, 0.

Later, after presents had been unwrapped and paper thrown away, Bulma convinced Vegeta to help her decorate for the party.

As he sprayed fake snow onto the window, he had a thought.

"Why in the world are we using fake snow when there's real snow outside?"

And then, he had a thought more relevant to the story.

"Hey, Bulma!" He called. She stuck her head in the room.

"What is it?"

"You left the wandering mistletoe in storage, right?"

"Of course. After what happened last year…" She trailed off and shook her head.

"Good. It was far more trouble than it was worth."

The wandering mistletoe was one of Bulma's inventions that seemed like a good idea at first, but later proved to be a really stupid one. It was basically a bit of mistletoe attached to a device designed to move through the room at complete random, thus preventing anyone from avoiding the mistletoe completely.

The trouble started almost immediately in the first year.

Goten had always been taught by his mother that he should follow traditions, except for those that Vegeta told him about. Therefore, when he found himself under the mistletoe with Trunks, he had obliged his dearest and oldest friend with a light kiss on the cheek. Trunks had been so surprised that he'd powered up and punched Goten through three walls, two doors, two more walls, and a window before he'd even realized what had happened. It was Groundhog Day before Vegeta finished the repairs.

Granted, it was the middle of January before he started.

After that incident, Goten and all others present were assured that you didn't have to kiss someone of the same gender if you didn't want to.

The next year, Master Roshi had figured out that if he followed the mistletoe around, eventually he would get a kiss from Bulma or Chi Chi.

His plan worked perfectly, and he soon found himself with both of them. They (reluctantly) kissed him, but he pushed his luck and tried to cop a feel. Vegeta had thrown him through the ceiling so hard that he almost smashed into a rock before Goku was able to catch him. Once they returned, Goku assured him on no uncertain terms that Vegeta only threw him because he was much closer and got there first.

The following year saw the third regrowth of Gohan's tail. Videl had found this new appendage to be strangely erotic, and had pounced on him at every given oppurtunity. When she saw him under the mistletoe, she had tackled him so hard that they'd gone straight through the floor into the room below. This led to some awkward questions from Marron (wow, how does she get her leg to move like that?) and the forced removal of Gohan's tail.

The fourth and final year of the by now infamous wandering mistletoe had led to the most awkward situation and the last straw for Vegeta.

Piccolo had been hitting the eggnog a bit harder than usual (Piccolo loved eggnog) and was beginning to feel light and fuzzy (but he was not drunk. Just fuzzy).

At some point, Piccolo found himself talking to 18. They chatted for some time about pudding or cartoons or whatever it is ex-villains talk about at parties. They wouldn't have even noticed the mistletoe if it hadn't been for Yamcha's catcall.

18, thinking that no harm could _possibly_ come from it, and that Piccolo needed a little love, had given Piccolo a light kiss. Piccolo, blushing far more than any would have guessed possible, had turned to walk away and found a wall barring his path. Undaunted, he had walked right through it.

There was now a nice Piccolo shaped window in the ballroom because Vegeta said that was easier than redoing the whole wall.

The Piccolo Incident, as it was now known, had been the straw that broke the camel's back. Vegeta had said that they could have the wandering mistletoe, or they could have guests, but they couldn't have both, because he was not a handyman and hated always fixing the walls.

The wandering mistletoe was now in a box in the attic, along with all of Bulma's other failed inventions, like the sonic blender and the motion-activated toaster.

After he'd finished spraying fake snow on the window, Vegeta take a nap. He was still recovering, after all, and he'd need all of his energy to deal with the party that night.

He woke up some time later to find that he was not alone in his bed. He rolled over, expecting to see Bulma or perhaps Bra, and instead came face to face with…

"Kakarrot!"

He growled and shoved Goku onto the floor.

"Aww, come on, 'Geta, I was just funnin' ya. You don't have to be such a meanie."

Vegeta sat up and glared.

"Stop calling me Geta."

"Stop calling me Kakarrot and you've got a deal."

"Grr… I hate you."

"It's all right. I'm getting used to it."

"What were you doing in my bed, anyway?"

"Trying to wake you up." He grinned broadly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Couldn't you just jab me repetitively in the side like you usually do?"

"This seemed like more fun."

Vegeta scowled. "Idiot."

"Meanie."

"Oaf."

"Meanie."

"Clown!"

"Meanie!"

"Third-class imbecile!"

"Big meanie!"

"Can't you come up with any more insults?"

"I prefer to let my actions do the talking."

Vegeta stared, then turned away, annoyed. "I hate you."

"So you keep telling me."

Vegeta's only response to this was to throw a blanket over Goku's head and smacking him with a pillow. He was downstairs, dressed, and about to head out the door before Goku appeared before him. He took an involuntary step back.

"Would you stop doing that?"

"Sorry, 'Geta. I didn't realize you were so jumpy today."

"I'm not jumpy, I'm just annoyed with you." He shoved his companion out of the way and stalked off down the street. "Shouldn't you be spending Christmas with your family, Kakarrot? Instead of with me, I mean."

Goku followed behind at a more leisurely pace, all the while managing to keep stride with the scowling Vegeta.

"Chi Chi's mad at me," he said. Vegeta just humped. "She's mad because I had Goten out too late last night." He paused, as if waiting for Vegeta to say something. After it became apparent that he wouldn't Goku went on. "I tried to explain to her what happened and that it wasn't my fault, but she said that I was the one stupid enough to listen." He paused again.

Vegeta snickered. "You're so whipped, Kakarrot."

"Well why aren't you with your family?"

"Because if I go anywhere near Bulma she'll have me decorating for her party tonight."

Goku snorted. "And you called me whipped." There was a long silence as they walked.

"Looks like it just us, then. You, me, and Piccolo."

They both turned around to see Piccolo. He was about a foot off the ground and frozen in landing pose. He smirked.

"Should have known that I couldn't sneak up on you two. So what are we doing?"

"I know!" Goku grabbed them both and instant Transmissioned them away. A second later they were over a frozen lake in the middle of nowhere. "Let's go ice skating!"

Piccolo decided that this was much better than his plan of terrorizing the children playing with their new toys at the park, and agreed. Vegeta, however, shook his head.

"No way. I'd rather go terrorize small children."

"So would I," Piccolo said. "But you know that's frowned upon."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's ok, Vegeta," Goku said happily. "I'll teach you how to ice skate. It's easy."

"You-! What makes you think I don't know how to ice skate?"

"Well, do you?"

Vegeta hung his head in shame.

"No, I don't."

"Well that's ok." Goku put two fingers to his head and disappeared, much to the annoyance of his two companions. A moment later he reappeared with a pair of ice skates on his feet and two more pairs in his hand. "I hope I got the right size."

Ten minutes later, Vegeta was skating like an old pro. On another part of the frozen lake, Piccolo was busily making a figure 32578748459642549985.6095986590. At least, that's what it was so far. Vegeta grinned smugly and began skating his name into the ice in big capital letters. Goku just stood there watching them, a pout adorning his adorable face.

"Aww, come on guys, you're making me look bad."

Vegeta laughed at him and added a flourish underneath his name. Once he was done with that, he began making a symbol that Goku was unfamiliar with. Goku cocked his head and looked at it as Vegeta skated smugly over to him.

"What does that mean?"

"It means Vegeta. It's my name in Saiyan."

"Oooh… nice. Do you know any other alien languages?"

"Ha! Of course I do! It is part of my training!"

He took of and began skating more foreign symbols into the ice while Piccolo added more digits to his already too long number. Goku made a circle and looked at their figures sadly.

'Maybe ice skating wasn't the best idea,' he thought.

They all looked up as an energy signature came close to them and Videl flew into the area. She looked at them all and the figures on the ice.

"So that's where you went to," she said to Goku. "I had wondered. Anyway, Chi Chi says to come home and get ready for the party." She turned to Vegeta. "And Bulma called and said for you to come home too."

"All right, bye guys!" He grabbed Videl's shoulder and they disappeared. Vegeta and Piccolo decided that without Goku around anymore, there was no reason to stick around, and they left as well.

7:00 was drawing ever closer, like the light at the end of a long tunnel, and neither of them were really looking forward to it.

(o.o.o)

A/N- Next chapter should be the last one, because I'm really beginning to lose interest in this story. However, it will end up five chapters long, plus prologue and epilogue, thus making it my longest story to date, not counting the seven Technophobe installments. Oops, did I say seven? I meant six. (grins wickedly)

Anyway, is it just me, or is Piccolo popping up in this story far more often than anticipated?

Snap- Who cares! He's Piccolo! He should be the main character instead of Goku anyway!

Bubbles- Go _away!_ Snap is my inner Piccolo fangirl. Is it pathetically sad that I have an inner Piccolo fangirl? But then, who doesn't?

Tocxica- I don't.

Bubbles- That's because you're a fangirl on the outside, now both of you get out of my author's note before I'm forced to sic Koshka on you!

AN con.- Anyway, if you hated the last part of the chapter it's ok, it didn't turn out how I wanted it anyway. I may revamp and repost it later, but I highly doubt it.


	6. Chapter 6

A Very Vegeta Christmas 

By: The Bubbles

Summary: Vegeta gets stuck doing the Christmas shopping on the last shopping day before Christmas, and then through an unforeseen order of events ends up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day in the company of whom else but Goku? Rated for blatant innuendo. Nothing serious.

Disclaimer: Toriyama owns DBZ, not me. He probably never even intended to have Christmas in the DBZ universe. But such is the case.

A/N: Right, so it's been confirmed that my DBZ obsession has gone out the window. This will be the last chapter, and I'm putting the epilogue in this one instead of doing a whole separate chapter, since they're both so short. Anyway, I think my next obsession will be _Naruto_, or, more accurately, Shikamaru, ShikaTema, and the relation between Jiraiya, the Fourth Hokage, and Naruto.

Bah.

Ok, last chapter now!

Chapter 6 

Vegeta looked grumpily at the people surrounding him, milling about in the main ballroom. These were the people in his life, and that thought made him incredibly depressed.

As had happened at every party since the first one, Ox had drunk too much eggnog and was currently passed out on one of the couches by the wall.

Actually, half of him was on the couch. The other half was sprawled out on the floor.

Krillen was talking to Dende, who had tied a piece of mistletoe to one of his antennae. He currently had lipstick marks all over his head because, as Bulma had put it, Dende was just too adorable to resist.

Off in the corner, Roshi and Oolong were tied to their chairs, a precaution they had begun taking a few years ago. Why they still showed up even though they knew they would be tied up was beyond Vegeta.

Piccolo was holding Pan by the Piccolo shaped window while she played with the frosted glass. He was making a point of avoiding the eggnog; after last year's incident he wasn't taking any risks.

In another part of the room, Goten was doing his best to chat up Marron; Marron, on the other hand, seemed far more interested in what Trunks had to say. The fact that Trunks wasn't saying anything really spoke of the power of tween hormones.

Trunks was currently eating a gingerbread man in his usual way. First the feet, right then left, then the hands and the arms. Next came the gumdrop buttons, then the torso, and then finally the eyes and the head came last. Vegeta smirked. Even though he was wearing this year's hideous snowman sweater, he could at least take consolation in the fact that so was Trunks.

He glanced sideways as Goku came up behind him, a cup of nog in one hand and a Christmas present in the other.

"Here's your gift, Vegeta," he said. "I didn't get a chance to give it to you earlier."

Vegeta took it and opened it without a word. It was a camera, currently the most advanced model on the market. It was actually well thought out, because several months ago he had commented that he wished he had one. He hadn't thought about it since then, but obviously Goku had. He turned it over and over in his hands while Goku looked on anxiously, waiting to find out what his friend thought.

Vegeta smirked.

"Gather everyone around," he said. "Maybe we should test out the timer."

Epilogue 

Vegeta pulled out from under his bed with his boot in one hand and a shoebox in the other. He flipped open the box and looked. It was just a bunch of pictures. He looked at the top one. It was from a Christmas party years and years ago. He could see himself in the middle of the group; he had Goku in a headlock, while Goku, Piccolo, and Krillen were giving him bunny ears. Beside him, Trunks was trying to simultaneously hide his embarrassing sweater and reveal Vegeta's; he was not succeeding in either. In front of them, Gohan was trying to break up the squabble. Bra was doing her best to look like a cute little princess, clutching her new stuffed monkey to her with one hand and slurping on the fingers of the other. Beside her, Marron was sticking her tongue out at the camera, and on the other side, Goten was doing his best to not get landed on when his dad and the others finally flopped over.

Vegeta traced the edge of the picture with his finger. These were the people in his life, and he couldn't have asked for better friends.

(o.o.o)

A/N- Yes, I really do think Dende is just too adorable to resist.

I think the humour is subtler than the rest of the jokes in this story. I mean, c'mon, that chapter was going to be just a bunch of random clips of stuff they did at the party. Didn't work out that way though.

Anyway, thanks to all the people who reviewed and stuck with this story. I managed to get it up and typed in a little over a month. It is the longest story I have posted to date, and also the first multi-chapter fic that I have completed, except maybe the two "What You Are Missing" chapters. They don't count though.

Snap- Are they not part of the Collective?

Bubbles- I thought I got rid of you.

Snap- I'm a part of you. You can't get rid of me any more than I could get rid of my tail.

Bubbles- You wanna put that theory to the test?

Snap- (Disappears)

Bubbles- Yeah, that's what I thought.


End file.
